God’s Guide for a Happy Marriage

Sermon on Mark 10:2-12

Text: Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

     “What did Moses command you?” he replied.

     They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”

     “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied.  “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’  ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

     When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.  He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.  And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

      It seems as though marriage is under attack as it has never been before.  You have people trying to tell you that the institution is just an evolutionary development.  You will find people who think that marriage is an old-fashioned concept that really doesn’t fit any more.  Many see no point in marriage, going from one relationship to another, without any sort of permanence in mind.  Some are trying to define what marriage is.  For this reason, you find more and more programs and books that teach about marriage.  People are looking for ways to have a happy and healthy marriage, so they listen to this psychologist and that family expert.  Sometimes, what they say has some merit.  At other times, their words aren’t worth the paper they are written on.  There is a place, however, where we can find how to have a happy marriage and that is in God’s Word.  This morning, we are going to be reminded of GOD’S GUIDE FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE.  It is one in which you 1. Recognize Who Joined You, 2. Rejoice As God Blesses You and 3. Live As God Guides You.

      This subject of marriage came up as the Pharisees are again trying to trip up Jesus.  They came to him with a question, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”  The purpose of the question was the hope that they could use Jesus’ words against him.  If he was to answer, “Yes,” they could accuse him of being soft on divorce.  If he was to answer, “No,” they could accuse him of contradicting what Moses had written.  Jesus, knowing their intentions, turned the situation around, by asking, “What did Moses command you?”.  Jesus was not trying to evade the question.  Rather, he was leading them into a deeper matter.  The Pharisees answered, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”  They quoted Deuteronomy 24:1 in their answer.  However, as is typical for the Pharisees, they are interpreting what is said there in a legalistic and self-serving way.  Jesus shows us this by saying, “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law.”  In the context of Deuteronomy 24:1, it is clear that in no way did God give his approval for divorce.  This command of Moses was never intended to encourage divorce.  It was intended to protect those who in civil life would be harmed by the failure of their spouses to recognize the sanctity and the permanence of marriage.

      Then, Jesus leads the Pharisees beyond the question of divorce to the underlying principles of marriage.  He shows them that the real question isn’t so much about divorce as it is mankind failing to recognize the blessings and benefits that God wants to give in marriage.  To do this, Jesus takes them back to the beginning, back to Genesis.  First of all, he quotes from Genesis 1:27, “At the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’” God was the one who instituted marriage.  He did so on the sixth day of creation, when he created Eve from the rib of Adam.  He brought her to him as his wife.  Note that this gift was given before sin came into the world.  This is a special gift that God gave to Adam and Eve and, subsequently, all mankind.

      This is a wonderful thing for us to remember, when it comes to marriage.  So often, you will hear about how two people met and fell in love.  Their relationship grew, until it became apparent that they could not live without each other.  Others will point to the science of attraction and the innate need to form a family unit.  All of these things are true, to an extent.  The fact is that God is the one who guides our lives.  He is the one who brings people into our lives.  He is the one who brings our spouses to us.  When we think about marriage in this way, we might look at our spouses in a different light.  Rather than just being our “soul-mate” or “best friend,” we can look at them as a special gift that God has given to us.  Out of all of the people in the world, God chose this person to come into my life and be such a special and intimate part of it.  When we look at our spouse in this way, it will give us a different attitude toward them.  When we are reminded that it is God who has joined you together, you will have a happy marriage.

      Jesus goes on in his teaching about marriage by quoting from Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”  He then ads this parenthetical remark, “So they are no longer two, but one.”  With these words, Jesus reminds us of the blessings that God wants to give those who are married.  Just before God created Eve, God made this remark, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18)  Then, as a solution to this, he created Eve to be Adam’s companion.  Companionship is a wonderful gift that God wants to give in marriage.  He gives someone to enjoy the good things in life together with.  He gives someone to support when things are not going well.  He gives someone to talk things through when you need a sounding board.  This companionship is pictured well in Ecclesiastes 4.  Although it is talking about friends in general, how fitting they are to remind us of the blessing of companionship that God wants to give in marriage: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone?  Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.”  God gives us a happy marriage when we remember that our spouse is our companion, not our adversary.

      Another blessing that God wants to give in marriage is alluded to with the words, “the two will become one flesh.”  This phrase has more meaning than just the close companionship that God wants to bless us with in marriage.  This also has to do with the intimacy that is to be enjoyed by husband and wife.  God gives them a very special way to show their love for each other.  This gift is to be enjoyed only in marriage, contrary to what the world advocates today.  The world has cheapened this special gift that God wants to give in marriage.  When we follow God’s guidelines for intimacy, we will have a happier marriage.

      This is how God intended marriage to be.  God brings the couple together.  He wants to shower his blessings down upon them.  It is to be the lifelong union of one man and one woman.  We are reminded of this fact as Jesus said, “What God has joined together, let man not separate.”  God intends that it be a lifelong union, with God alone having the right to end it.  Remember that the original question that the Pharisees had was about divorce.  Jesus is showing that divorce was not part of God’s original plan.  Furthermore, Jesus said that, while man has the terrible power to dissolve a union that God has made, he is not to exercise it, since this would be contrary to God’s will.

      We see that Jesus’ discussion with the Pharisees raised some questions in the minds of Jesus’ disciples, because we read, “When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.”  Jesus said, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.  And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”  Jesus emphasizes the point that the breaking of the marriage bond would be a sin against the Sixth Commandment.  He also adds that subsequent remarriage would also be a violation of God’s design for marriage.  It would be playing fast and loose with God’s gift.  Divorce goes against God’s will.

      We want to take a moment and talk about divorce.  While it is not mentioned here, there are exceptions that are written elsewhere in the Scriptures.  One of the exceptions as to when God permits divorce is in the case of marital unfaithfulness, which we find in Matthew 5:32.  One spouse has been unfaithful to the other.  In this case, a divorce would be publicly stating what has already happened in private.  The other exception is spoken of in 1 Corinthians 7:15, which talks about malicious desertion.  Desertion means more than just the spouse walked out the door.  It means that they have habitually and maliciously broken the marriage vows that they made to love and honor and care for the other.  Through their words or actions, they have left the marriage, even though they may still be living under the same roof.  These are, however, the only two times when God permits divorce.  It is not that he is wants divorce.  As a matter of fact, we hear God say in Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce.”  In these two instances, the divorce is publicly proclaiming what has happened in private.  God intended marriage to be “as long as we both shall live,” not ‘as long as we both shall love.’

      God is very interested in marriage and he wants to bless us through it.  We thank God for this precious gift.  Yet, those who have been married must confess that they have not always appreciated the blessings that God wants to give us in marriage.  For example, God wants to bless us with companionship in our marriages.  Can we always say that we have been the best companion that we could be?  We must all confess to many different ways and times that we have not been a good companion.  We have been lazy with each other.  We have been selfish, thinking only of our needs and wants.  We have hurt each other with careless words.  The list goes on and on about how we have sinned against our spouse.  We realize that, when we have sinned against our spouse, we have also sinned against our God.  For that reason, let us stop and come to God in repentance, confessing our sins against our spouse.  Then, we are assured that Jesus’ life, death and resurrection also paid for that sin.  He came to be our Savior for these sins, as well.  We, then, ask God to help us be a better husband or wife.  As part of this wanting to be a better spouse, we can go to our husband or wife and confess our sins against them and ask for their forgiveness.  This is a wonderful way that you can show your godly love for the other.  When that happens, please don’t just say, ‘It’s OK.  Don’t worry about it.’  Tell them they are forgiven.  Jesus has given you the right to forgive sins.  What a wonderful way you can then show your godly love for each other.  God blesses us in marriage when we do it his way.

     It wasn’t that many years ago that divorce was rare.  If someone in town was divorced, everyone knew about it.  That is not the case anymore.  Statistics show that half of marriages end in divorce.  Add to that the fact that many people don’t even bother getting married in the first place.  We have a society that is in a mess, when it comes to marriage.  It is easy for us, even in the church, to adopt the attitude of the world when it comes to marriage.  Yet, what the world promotes has little to do with what God has in mind when it comes to marriage.  May God use us to help people see God’s wonderful design in marriage and the blessings he wants to give us in marriage.  To those of you, who are not married, may God bring to you that special person, so that you might enjoy this special gift of marriage.  To those of you whose spouses have gone to glory, may God help you to remember the blessings that he gave to you.  May God help you to be an encourager to those who are married and to those who are contemplating marriage.  To those of you who are married, may God bless you.  May he help you to reflect the love that he has shown to you in your love for each other.  Look at the person that God has brought into your life as a special gift.  Rejoice in the blessings that he wants to give you.  Follow his guide and you will have a happy marriage.  May God be with us all as we live in the stations he has placed us.  Amen.